Still and Rejoice..

Today was a normal day. As usual, I woke up n ate some nice dim sum bought by mum. Reached church n we started our routine prayer time wif Jessie Jie. However, prayer today seemed different. We reali can feel da presence of God in our room, so close dat we felt dat He was juz beside us. Jessie Jie lead a song. English translation shd be Holy Spirit dat gives freedom. As we sang, my heart started to feel da love of God in my heart......

I admit dat in my ministry, I'll always show my strong side. As a leader, we shd onli speak of words dat r encouraging  n positive. When I'm wif my members, I'll onli speak of encouraging words, hope dat I can build up their life n wont let God n church leaders down. I always believe dat we as children of God shd serve Him n love Him whole-heartedly no matter in wat circumstances.

However, I noe, deep inside my heart, I stil hav some kind of emptiness. Sometimes when I've been busy serving n workin whole day, I'll feel kinda lost n blank after dat. I'll feel tired. I'll feel lik, God, where're U? Do I love U whole heartedly so I serve U? Or I serve because it's my ministry? I'm lost, n sometimes to escape dis kind of thinkin, I'll chose not to tink bout it, hoping dat wat I do is correct, n I serve because I love.

This situation continued for days. Dis few days, I had a deep talk wif few of our church leaders. Their words strongly encouraged me. I understand dat da emptiness in my heart, is because my relationship with God is not deep enough. I always try to use my ways n my thinking to solve problem, yet I forgotten I hav a great big Father God dat is always standing dere n waiting me to turn bak towards Him. I'll always try to cover up myself, especially my weak side, to show da whole world dat I'm really okay. But deep inside me, dere's a voice telling, Lord, I need U.. Pls refresh my heart. Let me feel da love I first had when I first met U. Lord, pls feel my heart with da fire n passion n love for U when i first get my salvation. N dat I willing to sacrifice all my time n my strength juz to spread ur gospel in all nations n all places juz to see salvations in ppl. 

Lord, I noe I'm weak, but in U I can fullfil alot of amazing n wonderful things. Holy spirit, I wan U to be in my life everyday, n lead me in everything I do, as I know, Lord, U're my shepherd n I'm Ur sheep, n U'll show me da pathway towards light. Lord, let me be da lighthouse, although I mayb lonely standing by da sea, yet da light I shine can brighten up lifes in darkness. N I noe although I may seemed lonely, but God, U're my refuge n shelter, n U'll be by myside forever. Lord, strengthen me, help me, be with me.

God, I love U. Make this love towards U getting more n deep everyday, n I pray dat in my life, dere will be more of U n less of me everyday. In all circumstances, I juz want to, be STILL, n REJOICE in the Lord..